Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Things to do when.................

Have you ever been shopping in Walmart and realized that your significant other was taking his/her sweet time? Well, have I got a solution for you! Here are some things for you to accomplish while waiting for your loved one. Do one or do them all, you choose!

As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!"

Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible.

Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax.

Go to the food court, buy a drink, tell them you don't get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."

Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. Do this until they leave the store.

Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly "There's no toilet paper in here!"

Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

Hold indoor shopping cart races.

In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet section, etc.

Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.

Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)

Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.

Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

"Re-alphabetize" the CD's.

Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are taking it for a test drive.

Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies."

Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day.

Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bed department.

Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and leaving them in strategic locations.

Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.

Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.

Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles.

TP as much of the store as possible before they stop you.

Try to hold up customers with the toy guns. See how much you can make.

Tune all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off and turn the volume up to full blast.

Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in Housewares and see what happens.

When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover."

When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along.

When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!"

When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!"

Hmmmm, which one will I choose? Wait, maybe I've already done some of these, Mwhaaaaaaa!


Jeanne said...

Every time I think...I am going to turn off the computer right now..get up and walk away...really turn it off and...then one of your posts comes up and of course I have to read it and then I just laugh myself silly!
M&M's on layaway....only you would think of that.
Love it all!!

Jeanne :)

Kerry said...

Oh what a great way to start my day!! So funny...can I come shopping with you sometime? I'll be sure to wear my flakjacket or my straightjacket...I reckon I'd be needing one of them depending on which strategy you choose. Good 1 x

Julie Johnson said...

You are hysterical...and you need to get this published! :) Too many favorites on this list to keep track!

Living It At Home said...

Very funny post and very clever if you become bored in any large store! I tagged you to participate in the "6th published photo" blog game that is circulating around. Please stop by to check it out!

Janna said...

Have you seen the People of Walmart emails? Sad, but some of them could be from my home town. But I LOVE Walmart for more than just the people watching. Thanks for your comment on my blog. I looked at your photos of your house (the mantel, the table with the tulips, etc.) You have GORGEOUS decorating style. Wish you could come take over my house! As for my office - having my desk against the wall is the only option. It's actually not an office, rather a little doorless closet in my living room. The side walls are only about 4 ft deep. By moving to Southern Cal we doubled our mortgate but got a house half the size of our Seattle area house. Crazy, but the weather totally makes up for it :) Please keep coming back and giving me your suggestions. I want my house to look as great as yours :)

Home's Where My Heart Is said...

Oh gosh, LOL. I have seen something similar for Target and this type of humor cracks me up every time. Thanks for the awesome humor girl.

Mary Ann said...

you are soooo hilarious! i will name you the jerry sienfeld of blogosphere...thanks for the laugh...i am now your over 100 followers! verbena cottage

Jessi Louise said...

Someone has to try the dressing room thing. Funny! However, it will not be me :)

Stephanie said...

You almost make me want to go to Walmart. Almost! (The one not too far from us is kinda scary and dirty!)

the vintage wren said...

Oh my goodness, that is too funny. I have a post on Walmart, the key is to go super early in the morning before anyone else gets there and all the employees are in their meetings in the layaway dept.

Bridget said...

I'm pretty sure my kids have done all of these at least once when I take them shopping. I don't take them very often ;).

Graciously Southern said...

Hilarious!!! I can't go in there without spending $200 and 2 hours! :)

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