Monday, November 29, 2010

Help, get the ladder!

My poor husband hates putting lights on the house, could this be why?
No no this isn't him. It turns out this was a real display in someones front yard. Apparently after 2 days and many close calls with traffic accidents, the police told him he had to take it down. In fact the police almost wrecked when they drove by.

I have to admit, this guy was pretty creative. It looks real to me!

Actually my husband did manage to put up a few lights on the house and I am happy to report there were no injuries.

I have been busy decking the halls, walls, tables and whatever else might need a splash of Christmas Cheer around here. Hope you enjoy the pictures!

Great, looks like my tree is leaning to the right a little, oh just tilt your head and I think it will look straight. Yes there ah, how nice. Ooh, neck locked up on second thought just close your eyes and imagine what the tree looks like!

I wish I had a decent camera because the lights are so much prettier in person! Don't make a crack about my penguins, doesn't everyone have a set of these?
Some people have fine silver, I have fine penguins!

You might notice my Halloween Anatomy pics are still up, I'm trying folks, can't do it all!

I tried something a little different this year for the mantle and still not sure about it. I had some mercury glass trees and all the clear glass containers you see I found at where else but the GW or garage sales. I filled them with white lights, snow and some ornaments. I threw in a few snowflakes and some sparkle. The picture doesn't even do it justice. As I sit here looking over at my mantle I wish you could see what I see! Well I'm glad you can't see the cobweb hanging from the light or the layer of dust, I'm talking about the sparkle! I wish you could see the sparkle!

I got these wall thingies from a friend and thought hmmm, what could I do with these? Not sure I'm a fan but voila my hanging ornament wall! It works and was much easier then the other one. I know I can't believe it either, I actually have another one! Oh man I'm a copycat!

I made this wreath last year with old mercury glass balls I found at garage sales and the Goodwill. Again this picture doesn't even show you its real beauty! In fact the color of the wall looks like puke against this!

Department 56 Boot I got at half off and my smiling snowman!

This is my tree I found at a garage sale for $3 and I just put it in one of my outside pots for height and added a boa to look like snow.

My upside down tree in our entry!

I found this Santa for half off because he was coming apart. I thought a little surgery would fix him and make him good as new. So I hot glued a boa to make his beard fluffy and I added some eyelashes! Don't worry he was knocked out cold so he didn't feel a thing!

Upside down tree from a different angle!

Here are those ornament sticky things again. Can I say what a bitch they were to hang. I think I was on the ladder at midnight trying to get these shits to cooperate. I'm over it, I don't even care if they are straight! I'm not getting on that ladder again!

Just snagged this Department 56 Santa pitcher from the Goodwill for $4.99, can you believe it!

I'm always amazed at what people get rid of but equally amazed at what people have in the first place, wow! Love me a good find at the GW!

Lots more projects and decorating going on here so I'll be back, I hope you will too!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Please pass the stuffing!

Um no thanks! Not too hungry after seeing this one!

I wanted to wish everyone a wonderful day with family and friends and don't eat too much Turkey or whatever meat you decide on!

Unfortunately my son is under the weather so he and I are staying home and watching the parade while my husband and daughter travel to the in-laws! Hmmm, I couldn't have planned this better! No honest this isn't fun! Neither one of us is enjoying it!

If you have any leftovers just make up a couple of plates and send em our way!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I know I know it's Thanksgiving, not Christmas!

As you are all aware from my post yesterday, I am very blessed and thankful but I am linking up with Jen over at jeninkpen and it's so blustery outside it seemed like a good time to dance like elves! Turn music off at bottom left before playing!

My poor family! My husband doesn't ever get his picture taken and when he does, it seems like he always has a scowl on his face, sorry hon! James' head is a little too big and pointing off to the left and I think Claire doesn't have a neck! And mine well could it be any better? Oh please look at those wrinkles! Oh well, I think it's pretty cute despite the flaws!


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I Am Blessed!

I feel very blessed lately and just wanted to share some blessings that I have had in the past days and weeks!

1. I am blessed that after one kid recovers the other one gets hit!

2. I am blessed that I am the only one that knows how to do the laundry!

3. I am blessed that my dogs only hide special "treats" for me, that I then step in!

4. I am blessed that this migraine is a doozy and the neighbors construction is helping!

5. I am blessed that I totally spaced the Thanksgiving Feast at my daughter's school and had to sneak the apple cider in before they noticed it was missing!

6. I am blessed that our lizard decided to appear again! What presents has he left somewhere for me?

7. I am blessed that while parked at the mall I did not realize that there was a cement block in front of my car and I drove forward.

8. I am blessed that while negotiating with myself about the price of Legos in Wally World a woman comes up and grabs 2 of the most expensive sets and chuckles!

9. I am blessed that when I reached my car in the Target parking lot, I realized I had toilet paper hanging out of my jeans! Hmmm, so blessed that I could make people laugh at that one!

10. I am blessed that all my guests at our Halloween Party were graced with a big pile of poo from our nervous dog!

So as you can read I feel very blessed this time of year and wanted the ones near and dear to me to know how much! I should give a shout out to my kiddos, James and Claire whom if I didn't have you I wouldn't have those mountains of laundry to do! I'm sure when they bring laundry lifting to the Olympics, I will definitely be up at the winners podium with a smile! And last but definitely not least, to my wonderful husband who has recently lost 30 pounds. Whoo, hoo, way to go, I'm so proud of you. But can you please stop watching the Food Channel and then coming home and making yummy desserts that you don't eat? Remember that 30 pounds you lost? Well its gonna find me soon, if you don't quit, now!

Oh how I love em and I wouldn't trade them for the world! Well maybe the dog!

I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe Turkey Day!

Oh and before I forget, I wanted to give a huge thanks to to Christina Lucas from The Blog Entourage. She sent me a Versatile Blogger Award the other day! Thanks for being so sweet!

Friday, November 19, 2010

101 Things not to say in bed!

Just so you know I don't sit at the computer all day searching for this stuff, it just comes my way! I know, I did some weird and funny ones yesterday but someone sent this to me and I had to share!

1. But everybody looks funny naked!

2. You woke me up for that?

3. Did I mention the video camera?

4. Do you smell something burning?

5. (in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...

6. Try breathing through your nose

7. A little rug burn ever hurt anyone!

8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?

9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?

10. But whipped cream makes me break out

11. Person 1: This is your first time... right?
Person 2: Yeah... today

12. (in the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!

13. Can you please pass me the remote control?

14. Do you accept Visa?


16. On second thought, let's turn off the lights.

17. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend!

18. So much for mouth-to-mouth.

19. (using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?

20. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...

21. (holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!

22. Do you get any premium movie channels?

23. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!

24. (preparing to use peanut butter sexually) But I just steam-cleaned this couch!

25. Got any penicillin?

26. But I just brushed my teeth...

27. Smile, you're on Candid Camera!

28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!

29. I want a baby!

30. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!

31. (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?

32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...

33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?

34. I think you have it on backwards

35. When is this supposed to feel good?

36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!

37. You're good enough to do this for a living!

38. Is that blood on the headboard?

39. Did I remember to take my pill?

40. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?

41. I wish we got the Playboy channel...

42. That leak better be from the waterbed!

43. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!

44. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow

45. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?

46. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance...

47. No, really... I do this part better myself!

48. It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!

49. This would be more fun with a few more people..

50. You're almost as good as my ex!

51. Do you know the definition of statutory rape?

52. Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?

53. You look younger than you feel

54. Perhaps you're just out of practice

55. You sweat more than a galloping stallion!

56. They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash

57. Now I know why he/she dumped you...

58. Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?

59. You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated

60. What tampon?

61. Have you ever considered liposuction?

62. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!

63. What are you planning to make for breakfast?

64. I have a confession...

65. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!

66. Are those real or am I just behind the times?

67. Were you by any chance repressed as a child?

68. Is that a hanging sculpture?

69. You'll stil vote for me, won't you?

70. Did I mention my transsexual operation?

71. I really hate women who actually think sex means something!

72. Did you come yet, dear?

73. I'll tell you who I'm fanatasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about...

74. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!

75. Does this count as a date?

76. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!

77. Hic! I need another beer for this please

78. I think biting is romantic- don't you?

79. You can cook, too right?

80. When would you like to meet my parents?

81. Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like...
Woman: Yourself?

82. Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"?

83. Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names

84. Don't mind me.. I always file my nails in bed

85. (in a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?

86. I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?

87. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman.

88. Sorry but I don't do toes!

89. You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!

90. Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!

91. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...

92. I'll bet you didn't know I work for "The Enquirer"

93. So that's why they call you MR. Flash!

94. My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!

95. Is this a sin too?

96. I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!

97. Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?

98. Long kisses clog my sinuses...

99. Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise...

100. How long do you plan to be "almost there"?

101. You mean you're NOT my blind date?

Man there are some doozies in there! Hope you all have a fabulous weekend! Oh and watch out this is what your cat might do!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Weird and oh so funny!

It's Thursday everyone, and oh so close to the weekend! Can't say that I'm overly excited because frankly, that means no school and the kiddos will be home. Love em, but really, I like my time alone. I thought I needed a few laughs to start my day before I tackle the mountains of laundry I have. I happened upon these lovelies and they really perked me up! I so wish I could see one of these in person. To think these really are out there, dam there are some funny people in this world, I love it!

This one is my favorites! I think we all know of a few out there that could use this, am I right?

Explosive farts! Can you imagine if they are so worried they would start a fire, what would it do to the person's ass?

Pretty self explanitory! Drinking this is drinking crap!

So been there, ouch!

Now, unless this has been photo shopped, the poor guy is suffocating under there! I sure hope he was compensated for his troubles. But really why do it?

Must of have been a late night and he really thinks those are urinals. Hope the artist is laughing his ass off!

Hmmmmm appetizing, don't you think? Not!

Oh sometimes I feel like this!

Ughhh! Seriously bottom of the barrel!

I am dying with this one! Love it! What a way to tell your employer off! Too bad for the commuters!

They totally had to put this up because you know it so happened! Wonder how many times? Hmm, wonder if the sign really works?

At least they have fun on the job!

Ha, I'm sure non Mustang owners would like this in their car also!

Well I'm off to tackle Mt. Aconcagua! If you don't hear from me, please send a search party!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Versatile Blogger Award....I'm honored!

Look at what popped up in my mailbox last night! How cool is that? And even more cool is the gal who gave it to me. Morgan is someone I just met and I think we kinda hit it off. Read on to find out where you can find her!

*To accept this award, there are 4 rules*

Rule #1. Thank the person who gave you the award.

A HUGE thanks to Morgan at Tatted Mom for giving me this award. We are both new to each other's blog. How cool that we just met and I've left an impression on her!

Rule #2. Share seven things about yourself
(Can she really have more to share?) Of course I do, I can never shut up!

1. I fantasize about getting my nose pierced! I see gals on the street and I stare at them and then I go up and talk about their piercing, honest! I'll never do it because my husband is dead set against it!

2. I constantly talk out loud to myself even in public. I have the best conversations with myself!

3. I am addicted to my IPad! I use to read like a fiend but now I find myself curled up in bed checking blogs or Etsy instead of reading! Not good folks!

4. I want to take voice lessons! I love to sing and I'd love to know how to sing different notes!
When I start singing a song my husband will ask if I wrote it. I of course say "no" and he says, "well lets let the artist sing that one, ok?" Meany!

5.The other day I paid my babysitter in quarters and a gift card? Is that bad?

6. I once fed my daughter a chicken nugget that fell in the street! Come on we were having a meltdown and hey 3 second rule, right?

7. I don't want to go to my in-laws for Thanksgiving! I just want to stay home and watch the parade in my jammies! Why can't I?

Rule #3 Pass the award on to 12 bloggers you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic.

Apparently I am to pass this on to 12 but I'm only going to do 5 because there are so many deserving blogs, I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to stop! So here are a few awesome ladies I am getting to know and know you will enjoy meeting them!

1. Linsey over at Organized Chaos

2. Deborah from Apples in Wonderland

Rule #4. Contact the bloggers you picked and let them know about the award.

Just wanted you all to know that the pukies are gone in our house! Whoohoo! I just hit my head against a big piece of wood for good luck! Happy Hump Day!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Take cover, we've been hit!

We've been hit with the stomach pukies over here! My poor baby Claire has been throwing up so many times I've lost count! God please don't let me get it? At least if anyone else in the house gets it, they are big enough to get to the bathroom in time. Well, I'd like to think so.

Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Wax or Shave, that is the question!

Wax or Shave? That is the question of the day! Ok, I know you've all asked yourself that question a time or two, am I right? Well that question came up the other day as I was walking through Target and happened upon the shaving cream, razors and waxing aisle. I decided that it was time to go down that road again. Now do I shave? I mean oh so easy, I'm in the shower no mess, no fuss. Then I saw the kit that says cold wax, no heating involved. I thought, now that sounds easy enough right? I mean I'm no genius but I can figure this one out!

So it was a typical Tuesday night, I'm listening to the kind of, oops channeling Taylor Swift for a minute. My daughter's favorite at the moment and I can't seem to get it out of my mind. Ok, really it was the kind of Friday night where you have no babysitter and the husband is on call.
I think its a great time to tackle that garden, in fact it's way past the garden stages and is approaching the national forest status. I really don't need my husband getting lost in there anytime soon.

Did I really just go there? Yes, I think I did!

So after I get the kids to bed and realize they are out cold I decide to head into the site of my demise. In the bathroom I gear up by giving myself a little pep talk. I look into the mirror and say, "I can do this!" "I am bigger than this!" I started to read the directions and again was so relieved that I picked up the cold wax kit. I wasn't in the mood for clumpy hot wax. Rub the strips together in your hand, the heat from your hands warm them up. Peel them apart and press them in the area that needs attention and then rip them off. Awesome, I'll be done in no time.

I decided to do my leg first just to get a feel for the pain. Yes, I even have hairy legs people. Just because it says pain free, I don't really believe it. There's always some kind of pain, right?

So I get out the strips and think, ok just a little rub together in my hands, that's suppose to do the job, but hmm, I see my hair dryer sitting on the counter and think, what about a little zap from the ole hair dryer, that's warmer than my hands? I lay the strip across my shin, zap it, and then rub it for good luck. Pull and voila, hair! Yes, it works! I continue several more times, figuring I might as well finish the legs and then I will head North!

I will say it certainly wasn't the best feeling I've had. I mean I don't think I'm into masochism but whoa, I guess no pain, no gain right? Oh, the things we do for beauty!

I feel at this point I can conquer anything. I mean I did push two babies out and one of them was a 9 pounder and had a huge head. A little wax strip is a piece of cake.

Well, here goes me attempting to go North. I place one foot on the side of the tub, and using the same method as before I place the strip on my left side of my bikini line towards my rear, yes ladies that needs attention too. I zap a little heat from the dryer, I look in the mirror, do the sign of the cross, inhale and rip! Oh My Gawd, I thought I was going to die. I felt myself falling head first towards the tub but was able to grab hold of the sink and get my bearings. God forbid my husband come home or worse yet my kiddos come down the stairs and find me like this. Ok, I realized I was still standing and started to get some feeling back in that area. I hadn't looked yet, so I braced myself for a little blood.

I look down and notice yes some dotting of red, but also a huge bruise was starting to develop. I grab the strip to at least get some satisfaction that my efforts were not done in vain. Would you believe that there was no mother f@#*&%@*&%$#@ing hair on that strip! WHAT? All that and no hair. All that crapping pain and nothing for my near death experience, holy hell! This is a crock, or am I doing it wrong? Ok, no heat from the hair dryer this time. I put my right leg up, lay the strip on the bikini line and pull in the opposite direction of the hair. Shit, this was worse than the first, I really think I'm going to hit the floor. So in order to not hit the floor I clench my cheeks and grab hold and get up. When I looked at the wax strip there was nothing. I don't mean there was no hair, because there wasn't, but the strip was clean, not even wax on the strip. Where the hell was the wax? I remembered the whole clenching and realized I was sticking together.

I peek between my legs and see a mangled mess. Yes indeed! Well what do I do now? I grab the box just to see if there is an area that says, "this is what you do if this happens". No such luck. I hobble over and grab a wash cloth and run the hot water. That has to melt the wax right? No of course not. I notice the bottle that comes in the kit and then pry my ass cheeks and dab a little of that lotion and luckily that seems to work a little. Tell me, why is that bottle so dam small? Don't they know you always need more than they give and I need to bathe in it right about now. After I manage to unglue myself I grab the razor. Yes you heard me. Throughout this whole ordeal, I ended up shaving everything.

So what is the moral of the story. Maybe its don't put the strip on so it reaches that far back or your ass will be glued shut. Maybe it's that the wax kit always wins and not in a good way. We all know it had to be men who developed these wax kits and they are laughing hysterically when their stocks continue to rise. No, I think the moral of the story is you should always shave. Sure you have to deal with stubble and even a few razor burns. But all in all its quick, cheap and fairly pain free.

Am I ever going to wax again? I can't say never, so maybe I am a bit of a masochist after all. Maybe I should just brave it and have a professional do it. I'm sure it was the way I was holding the strip and I just didn't rip hard enough. But I'm not sure I can get on a table with my legs over my head and have a total stranger get in there. Do they enjoy it or are they sadists? Why do we even have to be clean shaven? Do men really like us to look like shaved chickens?

If someone out there has the answer or some tips on this procedure let me know. In the meantime I am wobbling like I've just gotten off a horse! And I'm going commando, I can't deal with the elastic from my underwear on my battle scars!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

16 Best Positions in Bed!

Now did you really think I was going there? Well, maybe someday but for now you're going to have to settle for these positions!

No Phone Call Is Worth It!