Where smiles beat frowns, crazy trumps stale and laughter is best LOUD!
Just so you know I don't sit at the computer all day searching for this stuff, it just comes my way! I know, I did some weird and funny ones yesterday but someone sent this to me and I had to share!
1. But everybody looks funny naked!
2. You woke me up for that?
3. Did I mention the video camera?
4. Do you smell something burning?
5. (in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...
6. Try breathing through your nose
7. A little rug burn ever hurt anyone!
8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
10. But whipped cream makes me break out
11. Person 1: This is your first time... right?Person 2: Yeah... today
12. (in the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!
13. Can you please pass me the remote control?
14. Do you accept Visa?
16. On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
17. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend!
18. So much for mouth-to-mouth.
19. (using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
20. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...
21. (holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
22. Do you get any premium movie channels?
23. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!
24. (preparing to use peanut butter sexually) But I just steam-cleaned this couch!
25. Got any penicillin?
26. But I just brushed my teeth...
27. Smile, you're on Candid Camera!
28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
29. I want a baby!
30. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!
31. (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...
33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
34. I think you have it on backwards
35. When is this supposed to feel good?
36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
37. You're good enough to do this for a living!
38. Is that blood on the headboard?
39. Did I remember to take my pill?
40. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
41. I wish we got the Playboy channel...
42. That leak better be from the waterbed!
43. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!
44. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow
45. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
46. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance...
47. No, really... I do this part better myself!
48. It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!
49. This would be more fun with a few more people..
50. You're almost as good as my ex!
51. Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
52. Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?
53. You look younger than you feel
54. Perhaps you're just out of practice
55. You sweat more than a galloping stallion!
56. They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash
57. Now I know why he/she dumped you...
58. Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?
59. You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated
60. What tampon?
61. Have you ever considered liposuction?
62. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
63. What are you planning to make for breakfast?
64. I have a confession...
65. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!
66. Are those real or am I just behind the times?
67. Were you by any chance repressed as a child?
68. Is that a hanging sculpture?
69. You'll stil vote for me, won't you?
70. Did I mention my transsexual operation?
71. I really hate women who actually think sex means something!
72. Did you come yet, dear?
73. I'll tell you who I'm fanatasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about...
74. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!
75. Does this count as a date?
76. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!
77. Hic! I need another beer for this please
78. I think biting is romantic- don't you?
79. You can cook, too right?
80. When would you like to meet my parents?
81. Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like...Woman: Yourself?
82. Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"?
83. Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names
84. Don't mind me.. I always file my nails in bed
85. (in a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?
86. I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?
87. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman.
88. Sorry but I don't do toes!
89. You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!
90. Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!
91. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...
92. I'll bet you didn't know I work for "The Enquirer"
93. So that's why they call you MR. Flash!
94. My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!
95. Is this a sin too?
96. I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!
97. Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?
98. Long kisses clog my sinuses...
99. Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise...
100. How long do you plan to be "almost there"?
101. You mean you're NOT my blind date?
Man there are some doozies in there! Hope you all have a fabulous weekend! Oh and watch out this is what your cat might do!
cant... stop.. laughing !! hilarious! ROFL!
Wow !! I am so glad you came by our blog! I spent the last 10 minutes reading and laughing.. What a nice change of pace. :)Have a super awesome Sunday!
thanks for follow i'm following you back!what a wonderful post,can't stop laughing,my fav is "37. You're good enough to do this for a living!" it happened i said that!!!!
Thank you for following me I am now following you back today's post was great!!
Oh boy am I glad you came by and followed me...not because I'm a big headed attention seeking person (!) but because I've found you....I LOVE your blog. You are hilarious and have cracked me up this afternoon. Can't wait for further posts.Oh yes I am following,
Hi Thanks for the follow. I'm now following back =)Sandie lee
Following you from Relax and Surf Sunday - hope you can visit me back at www.thejoyfuljungle.com Life is a jungle, but it can be a joyful one!
Stopping by from Bloggy Moms and am your newest follower. Hope to see you by my blog too.I have 4 blogs, you can follow all 4 or pick the one(s) that best suits you.http://tawnasplan.blogspot.comhttp://btrbb.blogspot.comhttp://tawnassecret.blogspot.comhttp://notaverageguru.blogspot.comTwitter: tawna6988FB: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Tawnas-thoughts-plans-and-journeys/110934798966532ThanksTawna
I wanted to say thank you for stopping by my blog and commenting... I am now following and I look forward to reading more of your stuff.All the best,Kim
Bwhahahaha!!! What tampon? Oprah!!! Please tell me these are statements you've encountered. Too funny girl!
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