Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The "Middle Wife"!

I came across this and seriously spit my drink out at the dog I laughed so hard. This is from an anonymous 2nd grade teacher who had show and tell one day in her classroom. Enjoy, but first put your drink down!

The "Middle Wife"

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.

First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me.
The kids are watching her in amazement.

Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands mimicking water flowing away. It was too much!)

Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.

They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there..

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another "Middle Wife" comes along!


My Blessed Serendipity Life said...

Out of the mouths of babes. Aren't kids funny in all their innocence?

Anonymous said...

Wow! I think I would be afraid if one of my kids shared a story like that at school. :-)

Jessica @ Barefoot by the Sea said...

Super cute blog, just discovered you via Frost Me! I'm your newest follower!

Beatnheart said...


Maggie May said...

ha!!! my youngest (for now, i'm pregnant) is going into third and always cracking me up.

Mandi said...

Oh ma gosh. I think I would die if that was my kid explaining my labor/delivery!

Diana Mieczan said... adorable:)

Kisses,sweetie:) Hope you are having a sunny and fantastic day!!!

ps: I hope you had a change to enter my GIVEAWAY!!!

Ms. Bake-it said...

Too cute! You just never know what is going to come out of the mouth of a young child. I love their refreshing innocence.

~ Tracy

Val said...

Aww, So sweet. You have such cute post!!!

Anonymous said...

Hahaha that is hilarious!!! My son (4) has started asking questions like 'how did the baby get in the tummy?' and I'm sure he would have been fascinated with that girl's story, too!

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