Thursday, December 23, 2010

2nd chance, now what?

So here's the lowdown! Our "Kid" sitter because we don't have babies anymore and the kids don't think they need a "Baby" sitter, has gotten herself into a load of trouble. I love her and so do the kids. She really is fantastic with them and has been wonderful to our family. She helped us out so much this summer with taking the kids to the pool, gymnastics, library, friends houses and pretty much anything else I asked of her.

In July she turned 21 and you all know what that means. Now I don't get the big deal with turning 21. I was 21 when I got married and just wasn't a big drinker. It was never something that I had to do. As I sit hear typing I know the reason I drink now, is because of the kids screaming and fighting and annoying the hell out of me. Hmmm, is it too early to have a drink? Claire is blaring her Justin Bieber and James is playing his make shift didgeridoo tube. They are trying to outplay the other. Help!

When the big day was approaching I remember sitting at the pool donning my cast and crutches and enjoying a little people watching. She was a little too giddy about her upcoming bar crawl. I just told her to be careful and not do anything stupid. She assured me she wouldn't. I told her no matter what time it was she could always call me or my husband and no questions asked. I just wanted her home safely. She said ok and not to worry. Well the big day came and went and she called to tell me about it. I really didn't want to know details I was just happy she got home safely. I believe it was a couple days later she went out again. She was hanging out at one of the campus bars and she remembered she needed to move her car before it was towed. Well I think she should have left it there or even paid the price of it being towed because what happened next was far worse!

As she was moving her car a cop saw her and stopped her. I'm not sure if she was doing anything that warranted her being stopped but in campus town and it being some ungodly hour, I'm sure anything looks suspicious. He stopped her and had her do the Breathalyzer test and yup she was considered drunk. Since she was operating a vehicle she got a DUI. So, did she call me for help? No, of course not. I happened to text her the next morning to see if she wanted to meet the kids and I for breakfast. She was already scheduled to come over later that day and take the kids to the pool so I thought I would feed her first. She finally texted me back and said she couldn't because she was "in jail!" What!

I had a hard time eating with the kids because I was so distracted. I told her we would have to talk later because my kids are smart and I didn't need them to know what was going on. It turns out this was actually her second offense and because of that she ended up losing her license. I was shocked. I'll be honest, at this point I was being selfish and thought well crap now I have no sitter. But then I was mad because this shouldn't have happened.

I've always thought I was a good judge of character and I still think I am but I had no reason to think otherwise with her. She was Claire's gymnastics coach and working with kids I knew she would be good. She lost her license and had an enormous fine to pay which she is currently working towards paying off. She ended up quitting coaching which made us sad because she was so good and Claire was doing very well with her. But with not having a car she needed to find a job where it was within walking distance or on a bus route to school, work and back home. We stopped seeing her for a while because she was always working at her other job. I would often see if she wanted to sit for us because she has a soft spot in our family.

Fast forward to December and we had a holiday party to go to. I texted her to see if she wanted to sit for the kiddos. She was thrilled and the kids were even more thrilled. Now at this point James knows whats going on. He asks a lot of questions and we feel it is important to be honest with the kid. He was surprised and continued to ask many more questions. He was pretty bummed about it but knew that was why we hadn't seen her for a while.

Since she is still without a license, she asked if her roommate could come along. We said sure because the kids knew her and like her. The night went well for all of us. We came home and chatted about things and she informed me that she was going to jail. This was last Friday night. I said what does this all mean? She told me she was required to spend a week in jail as part of her sentencing but was allowed to be off for work release. She was doing some waitressing but could only get x amount of hours so she asked if I could use her? I said sure what do you need. She wanted to come and work at my house and do anything so she didn't have to spend so many hours in a jail cell. Hey, in my house there is always laundry and dishes to do, so sure! I just needed to fill out some paperwork and she would bring it over before she goes in on Thursday. I jokingly said, "please be good and don't eat any poppy seed muffins!" We all laughed. She left and came back over on the 16th. Since she was to check in at 11 p.m. she came over to our house about 10:15 for me to sign some papers. These papers were to document that she would in fact be working in my house on Tuesday and Thursday. I asked her what I needed to do when I got there? She said since I put my license plate on the paper, they would match that to my car and release her to me.

Tuesday morning comes and I get ready and off to jail I go. How many of you can say you did that? The jail is about about 20 minutes away. I get in before 10 and sit and wait. I remember laughing because Justin Bieber was playing on the radio. I swear I only listen to Justin, Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus because of Claire. I looked at the clock and it was 7 minutes after 10. I said oh what the hay I'm going in. I start walking up thinking this is so weird, I'm letting my sitter out of jail today, not sure I ever thought I'd be doing that! I walk through the entrance and not knowing exactly where I'm going, I ask a woman standing there where the jail is. She said, "well I just got out of jail, so go through that door!'' Geez where is she sending me? I see a lady on the phone behind a window. As I wait for her to get off the phone I look around. No one is in the waiting area but me. I notice the mirrored window and wonder what or who is on the other side staring at me. I get a little weirded out being there. The woman finally gets off the phone after it feels like an eternity. I proceed to tell her who I am and who I am there for. She calls someone in the back and they call back to let her know that she is not allowed out.

Hmmm, so what does that mean? One of the guards comes out and tells me that she did not pass a drug test! What, she didn't? How did this happened? I ask the guard if she has been released at all and he said no, since she didn't pass the test she was not allowed even to work. So she has been in since Thursday night. She didn't even think to let me know about this? Ok, I'm sure I was the last person in the world she was thinking of. I wasn't so bothered by the fact that I made a trip out there for nothing but I was upset with myself for thinking this was really going to knock some sense into her.

I left the jail angry and hurt. I pray she has an explanation for all this. Please tell me I can trust her again. I know I can't help everyone but I want to try with this one. I'm beginning to lose faith and she wasn't one I wanted to lose faith in! She is lost right now and I know she needs help! I just might not be the one that can do anything for her!

She gets out tonight and I'm just wondering if she will call or text me. I pray she will, if only to apologize.


Mrs. Tuna said...

So hard, it would be easy for me to say let it go and give her another chance. But I'm not sure I would. Maybe the better answer would be forgive but remember.

Annie @ The House That Jade Built said...

Oh that's a really tough one. We had an issue go down with our sitter this summer - it was way way worse though & she lied to us about the safety of my kids. I am still not happy about it. This is harder though because it sounds like she was much more actively involved with your family and you have a personal attachment as well. I can't say that I could cut her off if I had the relationship with her. However, I think you need to lay down the law with her about how it's going to be if you are allowing her around your home & your family & what expectations you hold. She also needs to know the disappointment you have with her behavior. She does sound lost & she's young - that's the sad part. I hope she finds herself soon because the path she's on isn't a good one. Best of luck lady :)

dona said...

Wishing a merry Christmas to all my followers!

denkli said...

I am your newest follower!
Please follow me back at thanks!

Stephanie said...

Wow! A tough one...I hope by the time I've read this she's learned her lesson and things are getting better. Bless your heart for trying to help her.

Yer Cinnamon Girl said...

I say give her a chance with you but not with your kids for now. She probably means well and is a good person (trust your instincts) but in the state she's in now she may need you to have faith in her so she can "do" better. You don't know what is causing the behavior but there might be all kinds of complicated reasons why and you don't want to be just another person who lets her down. Don't let yourself be drained and be there for her if you can. From experience if she feels bad about herself she may just do worse.

deborah said...

Your friendship and love is a gift. One she is taking advantage of. Continue to support her postive efforts but I would not allow her into your home. Your first and foremost responsibility is to your family. Meet her where she is and reachout....but know she has to reach forward too. It doesn't make you a bad friend, but one that can be counted on and encouraging.

deborah said...

Happy Anniversary!!!! And the nineties were hard on hair;)

Karyn Climans said...

I have to admit that I wouldn't be able to trust her again especially with my kids. She is making some very bad choices and, unfortunately, it is going to take a lot for her to regain trust. I would recommend wishing her well but finding another "kid" sitter.

No Phone Call Is Worth It!