Friday, July 22, 2011

Tonight's Special: Fish and Shit!

I'm sure if you stopped over to our house any night this week, you would walk in to an overpowering smell of fish and yes even Shit! I'm not proud!

First off, the fish smell is not because my daughter's fish died while we were gone, lucky for me (yes, I"m being facetious) we still have fish! No the fish smell comes from my obsession with Salmon lately! That is pretty much the only meat I eat and the kids beg, plead and even offer to not fight, if I opt not to cook it! Sorry kiddos, you won't fight because I'm the Mama and if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

So on to the shit! When we got home from Branson we waited a day to pick up the pooches. They were staying out of town at a very nice farm where a guy has a kennel. I have a friend that takes her dog there so I knew it was good.
Now it is pretty much known to all around here that our dogs are freaks. So being around other dogs is very foreign to them. Did I mention we flunked puppy school? Well we most definitely did! I think all that socializing they teach in those classes didn't quite work for us!

In fact we were the only ones in the class to receive a
certificate of Participation! Thanks Val. I framed it! She wasn't even discreet about the certificate, oh no! She had to let the whole class know that Theo was a good sport but wasn't like the rest of the gang. Awesome, thanks, no really! I held my head up high and walked out saying, "Hey, we all have things we're good at and I'm ok with not having the dog training, animal loving, blue ribbon gene in me, because gosh darn it people like me! And maybe we just have a unique dog and all of your dogs are freaks!

This was kinda how Theo was in class!

I guess Theo was just a little shell shocked being away from home. Let's just say that poor Theo must have swallowed a lot of air while we were gone and didn't let it out until he got home. Once we had him home we noticed after a few times of going out to drop a few kids off at the pool, he came back in and had a little dirt on his skirt! I'll spare you that picture and show you one of him dozing off!

I happened to miss this glorious site at first and then noticed he managed to side swipe the couch! I screamed and immediately told my husband I was getting rid of him! I can't take it anymore! My husband didn't quite have the same reaction as I did. His reaction was more of on the defensive side and said, "no way are we getting rid of him!"

Geez it wasn't as if I said I was getting rid of one of his balls!

I'm pretty sure he would rather get rid of me then that dam dog! I swear in my next life I am going to be a lesbian! Now, I'm not really looking for offers here but what I'm saying is that if two gals saw a spot of pooh on the couch they would both shriek and say, "yep he has gotta go. No way are we having a house with a dog that craps!"

Am I right?

I am so buying these suckers for the dam dogs! And then I'm gonna put them on the rest of the family so I don't have to wash their "delicates"

And if you thought that was bad, now Jasmine has the same bug.

She makes us so proud to call her our boot scooter. Thank God she hits the potty pads!

Does anyone else out there deal with this Crap? Yes, pun intended!

Off to do some clean up! Someone better hide the phone or I'm calling the pound!

Oh, so glad to be home! Grrrrrrrrrr!


oldblackcatboo said...

OMG! Megan, I'm the LAST one to tell this to.
I'm the Boarding Manager of a large vet clinic and I scoop, hose and pick up shit everyday and then I come home to a houseful of little teeny tiny dogs and one HUGE 154lb. Great Dane mix and I gotta tell you, I'd rather deal with their shit any day than any person I know. :)
Also, boarding can be very stressful for many dogs and that creates loose stools. Unforunately they can't wipe their own asses.
Also, a lot of lesbians come into our clinic and they regard their dogs as kids, so...I'd say that option would be out for you.
Like I mentioned before...I'm completely NOT going to sympathize with you. It's the shitty part of up after loved ones!
:D - Cindi

Sabrina said... I just laughed so hard that my husband came in to see what was up, read your post title, laughed and retreated. HA!!!! Yes we have a pooch and yes, she's had some accidents that I've wanted to boot her out for. She also is a scooter...especially after she goes to the groomer. ??? dunno. She also has a dingleberry issue, but we've learned to trim those areas a little shorter to avoid poop land mines being dropped here and there. Hang in there....your pooch is pretty cute. ;)

Mrs. Tuna said...

Well it sounds like you're a hot mess over there.....

Anonymous said...

Oh my. I once had a german shepherd that got kicked out of obidence school because the teacher thought that maybe she was too young. She suggested waiting 6 months and trying it again. She sent us home with a training self training video and told us that the next round of training would be included in the price of the first class. Six months of trying to train Bella at home later I sent her back to school and she failed. The teacher called one day and told me straight up. You need to come pick up your dog, she simply is not learning anything and is not willing to try. As it turned out, she wasn't too young the first time she was just too stupid! Epic failure. I happily let my ex husband keep her in the divorce. :)

Good luck with the butt scooting!

Red Rose Alley said...

Oh Megan,
That cracked me up. I haven't had to train a dog in a long time, but Nel gets so frustrated with her dogs, and then they look at her with that look, and she loves them all over again. They are alot of work to take care of, that's for sure, but worth it, don't ya think? Hang in there friend.
~Sheri at Red Rose Alley


Ha Ha...I have never heard anyone else use the "drop the kids off at the pool" saying...we use it all the time! That was a seriously funny story!

No Phone Call Is Worth It!